In the waning light of the First Trumpet Era, when the world was still reeling from the invisible mist known as The Breath of Bats, a strange silence hovered over the Realm of Devices. The High Mage of Medicine, one Lord Faucium of the Eternal Mask, had vanished into misty memory—his enchanted speaking stones (known among mortals as phones) lost to the sands of bureaucratic time.
These devices, said to contain incantations, sigils, and sacred memos from the early Days of Lockdown, were long thought to have slipped through the cracks of Earth itself, buried beneath layers of deleted data and protective spellwork.
But lo! A new questing hero arose.
Enter Sir Kash of Patel, newly anointed Seeker of Secrets beneath the banner of the Bureau of Federal Investigations—a guild long whispered about in taverns as the Spies Who File. Sir Kash, bearing the Amulet of Rogan (a powerful podcasting artifact that grants +10 charisma to conspiracy rolls), announced to the realm:
“The sacred Devices of Faucium have been found! Though perhaps corrupted by deletion spells or guarded by encryption daemons, they are now in our grasp!”
The people gasped. Well, a few of them did. Others just refreshed Twitter.
Act II: The Flip-Flop Scrolls
The Fire element flared brightest in these days. Passions ignited. Truths, lies, and flip-flops danced in chaos like salamanders on Red Bull.
Some recalled that Faucium once proclaimed:
- “Thou needest no mask.”
- Then later: “Mask thyself twice, or suffer the wrath of the variant!”
This earned him both devotion from the Cult of Safety and curses from the Guild of Righteous Doubt (also known as Republican House Reps). The very Fire that had once anointed Faucium as the Lightbringer now burned against him in meme and madness.
But before the Inquisitors could place him in the Iron Zooming Chair of Interrogation, Old Man Biden, wielding the ancient ink of Executive Pardon, invoked a rare and powerful rite:
“I hereby bind Lord Faucium in the Chains of Immunity, rendering him beyond the reach of mortal courts, Trumpian vengeance, or right-wing podcast trials.”
This sparked a cosmic clash. Trump the Twice-Crowned, seething on TruthSocial (the Oracle of Caps Lock), roared:
“VOID! VACANT! NO EFFECT! I DENY THE MAGIC!”
But alas, the scroll had been signed.
Act III: The Winds of Wuhan
Meanwhile, deep in the Forbidden East, in the mist-cloaked Citadel of Wuhan, ancient scrolls whispered of Chimeric Alchemy. The Air element grew restless. Invisible but potent, it swirled through bats, bureaucracy, and bio-labs alike.
The Guild of Intelligence—those who See Without Being Seen—emerged from their smoke-filled sanctuaries to proclaim:
“We believe, with modest but dramatic confidence, that the Breath of Bats may have slipped not from nature’s womb, but from the Artificer’s Flask.”
In other words: lab leak, baby.
And yet… in the old days, to speak such words was heresy. You’d be exiled to the Realm of Facebook Jail or excommunicated by the Church of Science™️.
Act IV: The Four Elements Remember
Now, in this twilight time—neither full apocalypse nor full healing—the Four Elements whisper to the weary world:
- Air remembers the censorship, the confusion, the ever-shifting winds of narrative.
- Fire still burns in the hearts of those who demanded justice or vengeance, whatever their alignment.
- Water mourns the dead, the divided families, the tears never seen behind masks.
- Earth reminds us: “All things hidden shall surface. All rot, in time, becomes fertilizer.”
And as for Lord Faucium?
He remains in his tower of Immunity, masked by spells of plausible deniability, quietly sipping tea brewed from Ambiguity Leaves and mumbling about science evolving.
But beware…
The Devices have been found.
And in them may lie the final verse of this strange elemental opera—a digital gospel scribed not by prophets, but by bureaucrats with autocorrect.
Moral of the Myth:
“In times of great confusion, trust not the man with two tongues—nor the one who insists he has none.”
And always check the deleted folder.
🜁🜂🜄🜃
The Daily EleMental 
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